105128

Joke of the Day

"Why can't a tyranosaurus clap? It's extinct"

"Woke up late, so I put Red Bull in the coffee machine instead of water. Got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my fucking car!"

"Putting the dog down today. Gonna start by telling him he has a big nose."

"I blow on Nintendo cartridges and they work. I blow on women and they still won't sleep with me. LIFE IS SO CONFUSING SOMETIMES."

"Iron Man Iron Man Does whatever an iron can Makes stuff hot Makes stuff flat Burns your hand Burns the cat Burns the house down . . Shit!"

"I finally got my hands on a sign language translator. It comes in really handy."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"(Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one."

"Yeah but how do misinformed people feel about it?"

"Superman: I'm faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive- Batman: I fight a penguin and this really persistent clown"