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Joke of the Day

"Me: *falls off a ladder* Wife: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INJURED? Me: *obviously concussed but also bleeding* I'm injured and outjured"

"I've been eating a lot of pineapple lately, you know what that means... I have a pineapple flavored sock under my bed."

"I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership I lost my focus"

"what a compliment by husband../ Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"After twin sisters plummeted off a Hawaii cliff, one died. The other was charged with murder. Just goes to show if you can't take the sting out of a bee, take the bee from the ... sting."

"This party is boring. Let's make like a baby and head out."

"Postal workers are some of the most innovative people around They really push the envelope."

"Why do Jews get circumcised ? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 10% off"

"God gives everyone a hot cousin to test us."

"Whats the worst part about sex with children? Cleaning the blood out of the clown costume when you are finished."