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Joke of the Day

"My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife's name just so he could sleep on it."

"How do you get a touchdown at Penn State? Introduce a boy with Down's Syndrom to Jerry Sandusky."

"Wat does it take to bring down a tower theses days What does it take to bring down a tower these days 4 terrorists and a 747"

"If you have to pick up 9 cans on your desk before you find the one with beer in it, you........ you'd forget the fucking punch line too."

"I propose that we abolish marriage and engage in 3 year contracts instead, with the option for renewal."

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler."

"Shakespeare was gay... How else was he so good with his tongue?"

"Two homeless guys see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other ""I wish I could do that"" the other says ""don't you think you should pet him first""."

"""Sir you can't bring a whole cake into a movie theater"" ""What if I cut it in half?"""

"ME: I propose teaching pandas to play pattycake bec- ZOOKEEPER: How do you keep getting in here? ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out."