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Joke of the Day

"How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box."

"Your mama is so ugly I will slap her face off of her face!"

"Did you hear the one about the blind ship captain? He couldn't sea anything."

"Ah ? ha ? ha ? ha ? stayin' alive, stayin alive ? ? ? ?."

"A friend tried to trip me up in an Indian restaurant, failed, and fell face first in to someone's mild chicken dish. I call it instant korma. I don't care if you like it, I can tikka or leave it."

"[ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] ""My dead what?"" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby, but I have no clue how to make an iPhone."

"So a blind girl was giving me a hand job last night... She said I was the biggest she's ever felt, I said ""Nah girl, you're just pulling my leg."""

"Password: 1 upper case letter, 1 lower case letter, 1 stair case, 1 briefcase, 1 in case of emergency, 2 cases of beer, and 1 quesadilla."

"""Oh no. We dripped cheese dip on the cat. I'll get it"" *she grabs a shirt* ""Hey don't use that!"" *hands her a chip*"