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Joke of the Day

"Password: 1 upper case letter, 1 lower case letter, 1 stair case, 1 briefcase, 1 in case of emergency, 2 cases of beer, and 1 quesadilla."

"When you say '' friends with benefits'' I assume you own a medical Marijuana dispensary and or a liquor store"

"Thank you, student loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you ."

"Sure, he's got his faults, like -- he's a necromancer, and a hoarder... ... but doesn't everybody have a few skeletons in their closet?"

"My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. ""This parrot hasn't spoke a single word."" She complained. ""I haven't had a fucking chance to!"" Replied the parrot."

"A guy walks in a library and asks for a book on how to commit suicide Librarian: Fuck you, you won't return it"

"The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet."

"I don't feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me."

"I met up with my internet friend yesterday. We were both disappointed when we realised we were both middle aged men, and not 10-year-old girls."

"I was going to tell a gay joke... But fuck it."