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Joke of the Day

"""Oh no. We dripped cheese dip on the cat. I'll get it"" *she grabs a shirt* ""Hey don't use that!"" *hands her a chip*"

"[OC] What's Elton John's favorite kind of conditioner? Levon."

"Usually takes me two or three tries to correctly aim the remote at the TV, if anyone was thinking of challenging me to a duel."

"The room is 15$ a night. Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

"Irony= someone tweeting about how broke they are and at the bottom of their post it says: 8 minutes ago via iPad 2 -__-"

"Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes"

"70% of the Earth's surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist."

"Drilling into American House Walls is like paying into German Welfare risky as fuck."

"Back in my day we didn't call meeting strangers from the Internet in random places for a weekend ""tweet ups"" we called it ""shit you dont do"""

"Nothing ruins a Friday more... ...than realizing that today is Tuesday."