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Joke of the Day

"Can a match box? No but a tin can. (sorry)"

"I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something."

"There's nothing more difficult than trying to convince a narcissist that you don't like them."

"My wife asked me: ""What's the most risky, dangerous food you've ever eaten."" Me: ""wedding cake""."

"ZOMBIE 1: why do we eat brains? ZOMBIE 2: because. It's food for thought! haha ZOMBIE 1: [sigh]"

"Dating tip: Don't offer to pay. It's a sign of weakness. Build trust through mutual agreement to steal. No one suspects the ""happy couple."""

"Hey, did you hear about that Coldplay concert in China? It was all yellow."

"I'll vote for whichever candidate promises to get rid of banner ads that move when you scroll down."

"I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend."

"How can a line be both short and long? It's a long line of midgets!"