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Joke of the Day

"Dating tip: Don't offer to pay. It's a sign of weakness. Build trust through mutual agreement to steal. No one suspects the ""happy couple."""

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"What do you call a dizzy Asian? Disoriented."
"I use the phrase ""when I win the lottery"" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets."
"How to walk up the down escalator: Step 1: Step 1: Step 1: Step 1: Step 1:"
"*Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera* ""My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?"""
"What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her? Her miscarriage"
"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the knickers."
"How do you know when it is bedtime at a pedophile's house? When the big hand touches the little hand."
"without nipples....... boobs would be pointless"
"The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts."
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