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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue? Fresh Jews."

"Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?"

"Why won't you ever see an American slav squatting? Because his spurs will get stuck up his asshole!"

"Why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it!"

"I like my women like I like my coffee. I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender."

"Two peanuts are walking down Central Park... one of them was assaulted."

"My doctor said I had 2 months to live So I shot him, the judge gave me 30 years"

"I love watching the wife sleep. Not so much the husband."

"How many Budists does it take... How many Budists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The change, if needed, will come from within."

"Sometimes I picture my wedding and other times I take off one pant leg stare into nothing for 15 minutes then take off the other leg"