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Joke of the Day

"Two peanuts are walking down Central Park... one of them was assaulted."

"What do you call a cantaloupe who can't elope? A cantaloupe. The spelling is completely different..."

"My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all."

"You can find weed in almost every book go to page 420"

"My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years. I never knew he was a barber."

"Why did the hipster seal die? He was clubbing too hard (its a horrible joke I know, please punish my lack of comedic genius)"

"Hey TV producers! Create a show for white people called ""Brunch Wars"". You're welcome."

"In September a 127 yr old woman passed away, which we already KNOW is a lie bc the earth isn't even 127 yrs old. Don't be ignorant."

"Sieved flour to rule them all A pinch of salt to grind them Cup of milk, then mix them all add an egg to bind them -Lord of the Onion Rings"

"Oprah and Hilary have a backup plan if trump wins The catcher in the rye is going to be featured in Oprah's book club"