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Joke of the Day

"My wife called me an alcoholic, and I was so taken aback I spilled my drink... But I was able to wring out the placemat back into the glass, so everything's ok!"

"I take my coffee how I take my women... ground up and in the freezer."

"What type of dog suffers from being inbred? A hotdog"

"How to have an unforgettable date? 1. Have a date. 2. Try not to forget it."

"Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now."

"Why can't you trust anything MATTER says? Because it makes up everything."

"My son feels about broccoli the way I feel about having to make a phone call."

"Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now."

"I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery."

"the most challenging thing I've done all week is explain to a 4 year old where he was in photos taken 7 years ago"