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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now."

"I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep."

"Why was the Mercedes Benz on sales? Because they've removed 6 rows of yellow LED strips..."

"Before you go to sleep tonight, don't forget to sprinkle gluten around your bed to keep away the hipsters."

"When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, ""No, thanks. I'm vegetarian."""

"What is the generic name for Viagra? Mycoxafloppin"

"If I had a dollar for every gender.... I'd have two dollars."

"Trump Drops out of the race, and makes America great again."

"What women want.. ...is a penis made of chocolate that ejaculates money."

"Hillary and Huma Hillary Clinton likes Huma Abedin who is married to Anthony Weiner which would make her Huma Weiner. That means that Hillary likes a Weiner which means that she is not gay."