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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now."

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"my book club evolved into a fight club so gradually I almost didn't notice"
"Did you hear about the musician that was put on death row? It's said that he is gonna be exefluted."
"My penis was once in the Guinness Book of World Records. Then the librarian told me to take it out."
"Nuclear programs are always for peaceful purposes. Drop a nuke on an enemy and suddenly they're peaceful"
"*puts seashell up to ear* Me: I think I can hear the ocea- Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days. Me: (to friend) It's for you."
"What if Forrest Gump's e-mail password? 1Forrest1 ...yeah we all saw that one coming."
"To anyone commenting you don't have any chest hair Tell them it does not grow on steel"
"Teacher ""Hi, why are you here?"" Me ""Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?"" Teacher ""Yes and you're off to a really bad start."""
"What do you call a trapped fly in a frying pan of stir fry? Your mum"