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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody's getting."

"Breaking: New torture report reveals CIA use of Facebook Year In Review videos."

"Someone stole a NFL playbook, uploaded it to the internet. All the plays were bootlegs."

"My mate was freaking out today, crying and all. He had no idea how he was going to become the fruit farmer he'd always dreamed of being. I told him to grow a pear."

"I bought a dry erase board to improve my time management skills but the only thing that's improved is my ability to draw dicks."

"I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable."

"Why do they call them rapeseeds? It's not like the flowers ever consented."

"The internet is an amazing thing. One minute I'm at work looking up random pages, passing the time, the next minute I'm at home looking for a new job."

"A Doctor, Nun, Priest, Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman all walk into a bar. The barman takes one look and says: 'What is this, a joke?'"

"CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube."