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Joke of the Day

"The government is so screwed up and dysfunctional, I'm amazed I haven't tried to date it yet"

"Police officer to a driver: ""OK, driver's license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle."" Driver: ""Nah, I've already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain's cap?"""

"What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're deep in shit."

"There once was a lady named Lucky Who used dynamite to give herself fucky. They found her vagina, in North Carolina, And one of her tits in Kentucky"

"Life is scary; at least the salary is funny."

"Why does Trump only use a laptop computer? Because of the small keyboard."

"Wow! This whole being up early is neat; it's like daytime but sooner! Huh! The birds... they sound, you know, pretty! It's all a bit scary."

"My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It's amazing how fast the super powers kick in."

"The best pickup line I have a weapon in my pants. It's so strong it could destroy Uranus."

"I was talking to some insects about my feet. I think they're pretty big, but mosquitos think they're bite-sized."