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Joke of the Day

"Two chicken are gossiping... And one of them says to the other: ""You know Brad?"" ""Yeah."" ""He's a total dick."""

"I got a free wallet and watch today. It's like this gun is magic."

"Women are like Siberian Tigers... They're both very pretty to look at, and you can have a lot of fun with each IF they're unconscious, but if its a live one, keep it the *hell* away from me."

"What do terrorist Weight Watchers use? Weapons of mass-reduction."

"Therapist: How's your narcissism? Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* [opens window] HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"""

"I went out for a pelican curry last night.... It was really nice, but the bill was enormous!"

"[on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please"

"Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet."

"Thanks phone, for being strong every time I dropped you."

"""The Ugly Duckling"" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive."