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Joke of the Day

"When's the best time to procrastinate? Later."

"This guy in line at store had breath so bad his teeth turned sideways just to let it out."

"Why did the chickens cross the road? I had to get back to my car from KFC"

"What do you call.... Q: What do you call a woman who thinks about sex all the times? A: Nymphomaniac Q: What do you call a man who thinks about sex all the times? A: Normal"

"I say ""fight me"" a lot for a girl that's 5'2"" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy."

"What do you call a black man that flies an airplane? A pilot, you racist!"

"When did Caesar reign ? I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him ?"

"Job interview What's your weakness?' Honesty.' I don't think honesty is a weakness.' I don't give a fuck what you think.'"

"It's adorable how I write ""beer"" on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget."

"A public restroom I was in had a sign that said ""Flush toilet paper only"" and I just thought Well, shit"