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Joke of the Day

"Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk"

"TIL: Phonebooks are banned in China Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs, you might Wing the Wong number."

"I'm having a hard time deciding which pillow I should buy. I'm going to sleep on it."

"[spelling bee] your word is 'hor d'oeuvre' ""can you use it in a sentence?"" yes...'I bet this kid can't spell hor d'oeuvre'"

"How does an SJW screw in a light-bulb? Zir holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around zirself."

"They add a scent to natural gas so we can smell it if there's a leak and we're in danger. Same reason Axe Body Spray has a scent."

"What's the difference between this post and a fire truck? A fire truck is red and has four wheels while this post is a complete fucking waste of your time."

"I tell all my ex girlfriends I just want them to be happy (happy was a golden retriever I saw get hit by a train in 1997)"

"I once dated a midget... I was nuts over her"

"My GPS sighs and rolls its eyes every time it says ""Recalculating""."