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Joke of the Day

"Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval."

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"Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots."
"Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls."
"A black man, a Jewish man, and a Chinese man walk into a bar... and the bartender says ""Get the fuck out of here."""
"What's the definition of ""relative humidity"" in Arkansas? The amount of sweat you can lick off your fathers balls after sex."
"Everything England has accomplished has been bettered by other nations - rugby, cricket and now at football... Even the Russians have better hooligans than us."
"Today I sent out a text saying, ""Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?"" 12 people called me...I need damn smarter friends."
"What's Jian Ghomeshi's favorite vegetable? Artichoke."
"What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire? The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery."
"Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda"