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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire? The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery."

"Did you hear about the baker that failed at making white bread? It went a rye."

"I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth."

"A chef was worriEd that he would mess up dessert... Turned out to be a piece of cake!"

"*double-checks the constitution to see if we really have to have a president*"

"I just signed up for Comcast!"

"""The new iPhone 6 is bigger!"" Meh. ""It has more sensors!"" Pfft. ""You can block group texts."" I WOULD LIKE ONE THOUSAND OF YOUR IPHONE"

"Facebook needs to add ""still banging my ex"" as a relationship status option"

"[at Doctor's office] ""When's the last time you had sex?"" Last night. ""With a male or female?"" Oh...with another person?"

"What is Gordon Ramsay's favourite movie? It's fucking Frozen!!!!!"