103197

Joke of the Day

"Mitt Romney announcing he's not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won't be a sequel to Mortdecai."

"My girlfriend just asked me.. What's an English geologist's favourite fruit? A pomegranate."

"I hate waiting in lines. At prom I was overjoyed because there was no punch line."

"What do you call a nosy pepper? A pepper that gets jalapeno business!"

"I love a woman that can shoot a gun, but I fear a woman with good aim."

"Two Mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says ""I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here."" The other replies, ""You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."""

"Don't worry, the right someone is out there for everyone. You'll probably never find them, or fuck it up when you do, but they're out there."

"It's been so long since I've gotten laid My sperm's starting to grow legs."

"Whats the #1 crime associated with cell phones? Battery"

"Me: What's your dad do? Kid: My dad? He's an actor Me: Why? Couldn't you get a real dad?"