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Joke of the Day

"You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You can't find something? MOM!"

"Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed? because Santa came early! I'll let myself out."

"I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop."

"Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts."

"Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said ""Go forth and multiply"" ? They couldn't they were adders !"

"*Wife walks in, the house is trashed* ""OMG..we've been burgled"" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?"

"Let's take all the bad science jokes... And barium."

"My ""15 minutes of fame"" are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect"

"How to stop, drop and roll if you are drunk. If you're drunk, it's not called the stop, drop and roll. It's called the stop, drop and stop rolling around so your drunk friend can piss on you."

"How did you quit smoking? Decided to smoke only after sex"