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Joke of the Day

"Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*"

"Have you ever had ethiopian food? Neither have they"

"Making my kids homemade blueberry muffins. *opens package* *adds water*"

"What is Eren's (AoT) favorite song? Moves Like Jaeger"

"Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: ""Windows frozen."" Husband texts back: ""Pour some lukewarm water over it."" Wife texts back 5 mins later: ""Computer completely fucked now."""

"Why is the KKK a good place to find a job? Cos they'll always hook a brutha up"

"I'm bored. Who wants to fall in love with me until they find someone better?"

"FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced ""jiff"" I know because I joogled it."

"What happens if you get human DNA in a goat? You get banned from the petting zoo."

"TIL John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife dies so he wrote Paradise Regained."