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Joke of the Day

"Don't let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It's 100% true, but it's more fun if it's a surprise."

"I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks."

"My favorite way to clean my house is to stop inviting people over so no one sees it's still dirty."

"what's the difference between you and an egg? eggs get laid!"

"Some call it drug abuse. I say the drugs get what they deserve."

"Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border."

"Why go through the trouble of becoming an astronaut when you could just put a plastic bag over your head and roll down a hill in a freezer?"

"""You're still a winner,"" Pinocchio whispered into his third drink. He wept as his nose grew to touch the glass."

"I feel like all bears are Bad News Bears. I've never seen a bear and was like ""Oh, he looks like he has good news for us, lets stick around"""

"What do you get when you cross a highway with a lawnmower? Killed."