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Joke of the Day

"If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit ""end"" on a call, I would have no friends."

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"Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry? Because red shirts die easily."
"Hot girls on Twitter: Single and straight: 3% Lesbians: 12% Taken and straight: 15% Men: 70%"
"What do you call someone who really loves breakfast? A cereal killer."
"""I have another terrible idea for a movie!"" - Tyler Perry, every morning."
"What do you call a communist sniper? A Marxman"
"My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve."
"dollar store pregnancy test instructions say to pee on the stick then wait 9 months"
"Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar."
"What is a long, tiresome speech delivered by a frothy pie topping? Meringue-harangue"