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Joke of the Day

"Guys, can we please stop making jokes about Donald Trump? Otherwise, we'll all have hell toupee."

"Girl at store thought CNN's Situation Room starred The Situation. No. Wolf Blitzer joins the cast of #jerseyshore next season."

"Dark and or Offensive :] I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice."

"Me: I'm in the mood for dessert *winks at wife* [2 hours later] Wife: *in lingerie, texts* WHERE R U Me: *texts* Getting ice cream. Y?"

"My friend is addicted to brake fluid... ...but he says he can stop anytime"

"Why doesn't Ronald Reagan drink orange juice? Because he's dead."

"John Boehner is lucky Pope Francis didn't splash any holy water on him. He wouldn't have been crying. He would have burst into flames."

"Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos."

"Trying to think of a good chemistry pun But all the good ones argon"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? (Most people respond, ""Arrr!"") That's what I thought too, but it turns out their hearts belong to the 'C'."