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Joke of the Day

"John Boehner is lucky Pope Francis didn't splash any holy water on him. He wouldn't have been crying. He would have burst into flames."

"Why was Einstein unable to build a wall? He only had Ein Stein"

"I think I might have a shower. *checks* Yes, I have a shower."

"Do you ever think about the Vice President... ...sitting at his desk, looking around his office and thinking to himself, ""Fucking corners."""

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He finally got the gas bill."

"Rant ""What do we want!?"" ""No daylight savings!"" ""When do we want it!?"" ""An hour ago!!!"""

"Why do all Egyptian's farts smell the same? Because they have a tutankhamun!"

"Have you seen that new film about a tractor? Me neither, just saw the trailer."

"How do you keep a hard on? Don't fuck with it."

"Doctor, can you have a look at my penis... Doctor: I don't see anything wrong with it? I know it's magnificent isn't it?"