15844

Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm in the mood for dessert *winks at wife* [2 hours later] Wife: *in lingerie, texts* WHERE R U Me: *texts* Getting ice cream. Y?"

"If turkeys go extinct and we start eating giraffes for Thanksgiving, I got dibs on the neck."

"Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know..."

"You know those couples who are into butt stuff from time to time? It's only occas-anal."

"People are smoking weed today They all think that today is 4/20, too."

"Ant: I found this book of what humans call us. I'm an ant Dung Beetle: What am I called? Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels"

"I tried anal for the first time last night and I hated it... Fuck that shit"

"I was kicked out of the gym for arguing with my step aerobics instructor, but I don't care. She's not my real aerobics instructor."

"Are people in culinary school required to do dessertations?"

"the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up"