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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm in the mood for dessert *winks at wife* [2 hours later] Wife: *in lingerie, texts* WHERE R U Me: *texts* Getting ice cream. Y?"

"White people colonized 34 of the world looking for spices and they still can't season their food right."

"What happens when a vampire drinks too much? They get a fangover."

"When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that's my neighbor haha Hi Pam!"

"The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called ""The Fission Chips."""

"What kind of cigars does Baby Jesus smoke? (Mmmph!) Meek & Milds!!!! :0"

""" I saw Lisa today... Dats hilarious!"""

"My wife says I'm way too condescending (That means I speak down to people)"

"What do sex, Mexican food, and pizza have in common? They're all easy to do decent but hard to do great."

"What are goosebumps for? To slow down speeding geese!"