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Joke of the Day

"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off you c*nt!"""

"ME (tousling his hair): You got a girlfriend? 8 YEAR-OLD: Yeah ME (grabbing him by the collar): How. How did you do it"

"How many potatoes do you need to kill an Irish man? None"

"""every family has that one huge weirdo"" ""NOT MY FAMILY!"" I shout as I quickly exit the room, my six ducks on leashes in hot pursuit."

"A watermelon walks up to a sprinkler And says to the sprinkler, ""Water me lon!"" Original joke from a friend of mine!"

"My phone knows the word ""giveth"" but not the word ""fuck."" Perfectly useful for speaking to knights but not for describing what they did."

"2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the hooker? The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO"

"do you sell wasps? a man goes into a pet shop and asks ""how much are your wasps"" the pet shop owner replies ""we don't sell any wasps"" ""what about the one in the window"""

"Ever since my wife had her toes amputated I can't stand to be around her. I guess I'm *lack toes* intolerant."

"What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it ? A sausage dog !"