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Joke of the Day

"i dropped a chicken mcnugget and I've been on the floor of mcdonalds sobbing the lyrics to how to save a life by the fray for 2 hours"

"To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either."

"When I fight Authority, Authority always makes me submit a lot of paperwork."

"GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that? YODA (taking notes): Yep"

"Do people who use handkerchiefs know they don't have to hang on to the things that come out of their nose?"

"There's way too much blood in my alcohol system today"

"What happened to the cow who jumped over the barb wire fence? Udder destruction"

"[Takes dog to park] *waits for romantic comedy to begin"

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection - except one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"As I'm getting older I find that I'm using my glasses more When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle"