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Joke of the Day

"[Takes dog to park] *waits for romantic comedy to begin"

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"I committed suicide today Never gonna do that shit again Nearly got myself killed"
"I told my grandmother to act her age.... then she died."
"LPT: If a stranger offers you drugs... Say ""Thank you!"", as drugs are expensive."
"So apparently a gorilla got shot at the zoo for grabbing a kid that had wandered into its enclosure.. And social media went apeshit."
"With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible."
"If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you"
"I haven't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years. I really hope he's okay..."
"I start conversations with my children by saying ""Listen to me,"" to ensure they stop paying attention from the beginning."
"What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? a pool table"