101523

Joke of the Day

"[dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!"

"What's the final digit of the square root of 2 (2)? I don't know, sometimes radicals can be irrational."

"Why is a schoolhouse red? You would be too if you had 7 periods a day."

"A woman goes to the doctor... The doctor asks ""What seems to be the problem?"" She responds, ""Every time I sneeze, I orgasm"" The doctor ask, ""Are you taking anything for it?"" ""Yeah, pepper."""

"Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food."

"School of Terrorism, Suicide Bomber course... Instructor: *Alright pay attention class, I'm only gonna do this once.*"

"Here at Nickelodeon, we're constantly trying to push the boundaries of what a child's head should be shaped like."

"I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift"

"Don't take me camping because if I see a bear, I will hug that bear."

"If I'm ever on life support unplug me,, and then plug me back in again,, and see if that works."