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Joke of the Day

"(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rolling. They hating."

"Vote early and vote often! This *used* to be a real joke"

"Relationship threats: teens: i'll cheat on you 20's: i'll go to the bar with my boys 30's: I'm gonna watch all of our shows without you"

"Just because it's Friday the 13th, people seem to think that horrible things are going to happen, like another shitty horror movie being released."

"[on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? ""Tell me why."" [winks at tattoo artist] No reason."

"Paleontologists have just discovered a new species of dinosaur that was predominately lesbian... They're calling it the Lickalotopuss."

"Being a bachelor is dangerous. I pulled a groin muscle while getting out of bed. Over and over and over...."

"Hippies glare at me when I use plastic bags at the market. I wouldn't need to if this pack of gum had some handles."

"What did one stereo say to the other... What did one stereo say to the other when he got called down to the office for having no bass? ""Oooooh you're in treble"""

"Wait just a minute! You're not Jennifer Aniston! Oh, you got me with that avi. Well played. I knew it was to good to be true."