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Joke of the Day

"[on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? ""Tell me why."" [winks at tattoo artist] No reason."

"Hot, single, raccoons in your area want to rummage through your garbage."

"What's the difference between a radish and a beet? I've never radished off to OP's mom."

"I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, ""I'm crap at fishing and need some tips"". The man said, ""Okay, can you hold the line?"" I said, ""No""."

"Arjen Robben goes down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf."

"What did the butcher say the the angry customer? I'm sorry that we couldn't meat your needs. I came up with that myself about a year ago."

"baseball i was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger, then it hit me."

"Me: Take my pic *hands him camera & giggles* Him: What's funny? Me: Nothing. Him: *presses button, explodes, dies* Me: Ha! Photo bombed!"

"How do you get your husband to eat shit? Wipe forward!"

"I used to think that ""Lacrosse""... Was what the French called that thing that Jesus carried on his back."