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Joke of the Day

"This cop spots this blond driving on the freeway knitting! Pull Over! he yells. No! She yells back, Cardigan!"

"I used to cry when my dad chopped onions. Onions was a good dog, I miss him."

"Why did the bishop love Walmart? 'Coz the boys pants are all half off."

"The moderator needs a spray bottle. Each time someone interrupts, they could just be like: ""NO! BAD PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! BAD!! *spray*"

"Some of you might get this. Schrodinger's Cat walks into a bar.... .... And doesn't."

"What do you call the armed group in Oregon? Vanilla Isis."

"This blonde is so stupid she called me to get my telephone number!"

"What animal is two animals at the same time? The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait."

"Q: Two musicians are walking down the street and one says to the other ""Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"" A: The other replies ""That was no piccolo that was my fife."""

"Say what you will about us hypocrites, but the standards we claim to have are WAY higher than yours."