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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer to me: what is your weakness? I replied : Honesty. Interviewer : But Honesty is not a weakness that's a good thing. I replied: I do not give a fuck what you think."

"What's the best thing about fucking a transsexual? You can reach around the front and you think you went all the way through."

"The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation ""Lettuce pray"""

"Him: So what do you do? Me (hoping to save up for some bushes at the edge of my property): I run a hedge fund."

"i hate when you google stuff like 'insidious' it gives you the definition but when you google 'butt' it doesn't. define butt for me damn it"

"Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson's family is off limits."

"Dining Hall utensils Today there were no utensils in the dining hall. The staff gave no forks."

"Winning the lottery is a 50/50 chance You either win..... Or you don't"

"DONT SIT IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR EXAMINING YOUR FLAWS. QUIT IT. THEY ARENT REALLY THERE. ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE!!!"

"*Weather changes* BODY: This is weird. Must have an asthma attack. *Anything else changes* MIND: This is weird. Must have a panic attack."