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Joke of the Day

"The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation ""Lettuce pray"""

"[first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no."

"People who speak who speak 3 languages are trilingual People who speak 2 languages are bilingual. People who speak 1 language are Americans."

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away."

"She was a very heavy smoker with a cough that curdled your blood. Phlegm fatale, they called her."

"Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms"

"Straight girls are like spaghetti... Only straight until they get wet."

"Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car"

"""I wish my girlfriend sucked my dick the way she sucked the fun out of everything."" -Shakespeare"

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women love anything 20% off."