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Joke of the Day

"My friend called me a pussy the other day. I told him ""You know what the say, you are what you eat."" Ayyyy"

"Two melons were out for a romantic dinner. One melon said to the other, ""Honey, dew you love me?"" The other replied, ""Yes, but I cantaloupe!"" ### ...I'll show myself out"

"He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling."

"What do women and stones have in common? You skip the flat ones."

"My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once. What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk? A Star-Spangled Banner."

"(NSFW) Guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm... He walks up to his wife and says, ""This is the pig I've been fucking!"" Wife: ""That's a duck."" Guy: ""I was talking to the duck!"""

"I wrote an essay about American Patriotism Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'"

"Why did the double arm amputee unsubscribe from r/jokes? He lost his sense of humerus."

"I needed a password 8 characters long .. .. so I used Snow White and the Seven Dwarves"

"The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*"