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Joke of the Day

"The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*"

"4: Let's hunt turkeys, Daddy. Me: How do we do that? 4: Put up a big sign that says, ""Come here, Turkeys!"" I might be raising Elmer Fudd."

"what do you call a retarded person who crapped their pants down in the dump."

"If a guy from Boston ever asks if you want to smoke a hookah be careful You might end up shooting a prostitute."

"What's Mario's favorite type of pants? *DenimDenimDenim*"

"Guy on phone telling gf he's bringing her a HUGE bouquet b/c 'she deserves the best'. Hilariously, he was peeing at a urinal the whole time."

"I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...so far, all it's been doing is gathering dust..."

"My wife Googled ""how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter"" and now she won't let me stay home alone."

"Husband to daughter's boyfriend... ...""Glad to finally meet you. I've noticed you in our food budget for some time now."""

"Which dinosaur named all the others? The Thesaurus"