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Joke of the Day

"I would never write a joke in multiple choice form... Because A) person who thinks that it would B) funny should go C) a psychiatrist."

"[blind date] Me: So you can't see me? Him: Nope. Not at all. Me: (stops sucking in gut) This is the best date ever!"

"My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry. We are maid for each other."

"Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you."

"Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock But I don't give into pier pressure."

"What's the difference between a bowling ball and a big, smelly vagina? If you absolutely had to, you could eat the bowling ball."

"Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!"

"How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a Soviet Russian?"

"Why aren't there many women on death row? Ladies first."