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Joke of the Day

"Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock But I don't give into pier pressure."

"I taped a slice of bread on the ceiling. And that's how you start a rave party in Ethiopia."

"Take my wife, Please!"

"[nail salon] Excuse me, do you do filing here? ""Yes of course we do!"" Great! I need a good refund *hands over tax forms*"

"Wife: ""you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?"" Me: ""why?"" W: M: W: ""they're running along side the car"""

"Ay gurl, are you a beaver. 'cause dam."

"The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield."

"Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience."

"You think you had a bad day? Clams are getting chowdered. CHOWDERED."

"Have you heard about the midget Klan member? He was a little racist."