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Joke of the Day

"Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night and wondering if there really is a dog."

"the next time u see a fork in the road, just try to remeber that at least, no mater wat u did, u werent the person who tried to eat the road"

"Ask someone how they're doing & they'll say fine. Share with them a random health issue & wait for the 20 min dissertation on their ailment."

"My Memory Lane is now mostly traffic cones."

"I wouldn't recommend eating German sausage... It's the wurst!"

"Whats the difference between OP and a magical ram? One is a Fey Goat, while the other is a [karma whore](/spoiler)."

"Twitter is the witness protection program from family on Facebook."

"F*ck nudes. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I need to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."