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Joke of the Day

"I can remember just 10 years ago, I had no idea what to do with all the pictures I took of my lunch. Thanks, Facebook!"

"Cheer up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president , until after serving 27 years in prison ."

"An alcoholic goes to the doctor.. The doctor diagnoses the man and says ""You have alcohol poisoning."" The man replies, ""I am going to find and KILL the person who poisoned my drinks!"""

"A thousand millibar go into a bar... ..."

"What do you call souvenirs from the last battle of the Napoleonic wars? Wat-heirlooms."

"If a British person calls 911 and says, ""It's a bloody mess"" how does the operator know if there's blood or the person is just being British"

"What's also red and know if you're naughty or nice? My penis during my girlfriend's period"

"If your coffee tastes like mud... It's probably fresh ground..."

"I recently came across a book about a highway system in a third world country I didn't enjoy it. It was full of potholes."

"I'm so stoned........ It took me three tries to turn out the bathroom light. Turns out the toilet flush handle does not control the lights."