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Joke of the Day

"Why do good farmers only excel when they are actually farming? Because they are out standing in their field."

"What candy do you give your wife before you get married? Pre-nup brittle."

"1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil."

"What is up with these reposts? It must be heredditory."

"My wife was shocked when she came home from work last night. I'd wired the door handle to the mains."

"Oh you're a foodie? You like food? Wow you are very unique. Personally I'm a foodie but I'm also a breathie. Love to breathe."

"What's 20 feet long and smells like piss? It's a line dance at the old folks home..."

"For Halloween I put a empty bowl outside my door with a sign that says ""please take one"" That way it looks like I actually had candy once"

"If you're not saying ""you're an idiot"" a few times during any interaction with me, you're not truly appreciating the depth of who I am."

"What did the cannibal order at the bakery? Cinnamon buns."