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Joke of the Day

"ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT"

"Why don't cows simply run away from their farms? Because they don't have enough sta**moo**na"

"Why is turkey happy? It just escaped from a coop."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with dysentery? One of them shucks between fits."

"Pussy I know some of you don't get it."

"Give a pilgrim some corn... He eats for a day, teach a pilgrim to grow corn... He kills your people and takes your land."

"What do you call a German taking a shower? A Showerkraut."

"""Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?"" said my late wife."

"Ever tried to watch your own feet while running? Don't do it. It's trippy."

"Bought that new Mac Book Pro today. Apparently they crush up 100 Japanese children's retinas too make the display. Or something. I zone out."