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Joke of the Day

"If you're able to read this, thank a teacher! If you can do busy work while wasted and watch an unrelated video, thank a substitute teacher!"

"I'll never be friends with the girl who brings a bottle of sparkling water to the gym."

"How do you know if a girl is hungry or horny? Give her a cucumber and see what hole she puts it in. How do know if she's hungry & horny? When she sits on the cucumber and then eats the pickle."

"For animals with an ""amazing sense of smell"" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing ""Whoops, these are turds"""

"The moment when you realise that you've just lost 10 seconds of your life. [Your life]^1^0^s^e^c^o^n^d^s"

"Why does Santa not have kids? Cause he only comes once a year."

"What's as big as a horse but weighs nothing? A horses shadow!"

"What do you call a Amish man with his arm up a horses arse A mechanic"

"I've been on this new Vodka diet. It's great, I've lost 3 days already!"

"Manager: I'll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year's time? Young player: OK I'll come back in a year's time!"