99425

Joke of the Day

"Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!! Me: too late...he's stopped half an hour ago"

"Ahh Summer. The season for confusing unattractive girls with hot girls because of oversized sunglasses."

"What is Metal Gear's Snake's secret? There's a Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake. It seems they all passed gas."

"*Trains lightning bugs to spell* Karen, they have a message for u WILL YOU M- ""Omg Yes!"" OVE OUT? Oh good. Here I packed your bags already."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never paid $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"I really hope that death is a woman. That way it will never come for me."

"One time, I broke my iPhone and for 2 days I had to tweet from my Macbook like a God-dammed homeless person I don't like to talk about it"

"Making jokes about rape is hard... because it's such a touchy subject and you always have to force it"

"Some guy called me a siren. It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too."

"I had a track accident last spring... Now it has become a running joke."