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Joke of the Day

"My Bathroom I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John. It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning."

"[Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music"

"Utensils Guy 1: ""Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"" Guy 2: ""That's forked up!"" Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: ""What? Too spoon?*"

"Just spilled red wine ALL OVER my insides."

"What do you call a lazy lizard? A procrastigator."

"A man walks into a bar... And says ""ouch""."

"Why is 88 better than 69? Because you get ate twice."

"My girlfriend just passed away. She was Dutch and always wore inflatable shoes. I'm miserable now that she has popped her clogs."

"How many moms does it take to change a light bulb ... None, they get you to do it.. Sucker!"

"Got robbed. Someone broke into my house, stole my stuff, but then replaced everything with an exact replica. I pointed this out to my closest friend, and he went, ""Have we met?""."