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Joke of the Day

"[Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music"

"I got my dog a tinder... He loves chasing pussy"

"LIKE if you've already broke one of your New Year's Resolutions."

"What is it called when an old priest and a nun having sex both crap in the bed? Holy fucking shit."

"Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants In case he gets a hole in one"

"How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket."

"I went to a zoo where the only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu"

"that lonely feeling when you oust your ex as mayor of your genitals on foursquare"

"Her: ""Is that you in your avi?"" Me: ""No, it's a picture of me."""

"ALBUS: Got Dementors to protect Hogwarts this year. They suck souls out! Indiscriminately! KIDS: ... STAFF: ... ALBUS: I can't control them."