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Joke of the Day

"SHHHHH!!!!!!! I just got followed by a Jehovah Witness. All of you keep quiet and pretend we aren't home..."

"If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will."

"I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight.... It's probably not a good night to go to jail...."

"What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future? The iPhone Ayyyye-t"

"Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people."

"""I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"""

"Hi welcome to Hollister, would you like a flashlight?"

"Ritalin and Adderall Market Research says they both tested well among focus groups."

"Do cucumbers make anyone else burp? Or am I shoving mine up to far?"

"What do you call a cappuccino from Dunkin Donuts? A crappucino."