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Joke of the Day
"Do cucumbers make anyone else burp? Or am I shoving mine up to far?"
Next Joke
"I've never pretended to be something I'm not... Except sober. I've pretended to be sober before."
"Things you don't say while attending a group for sex addicts. I'll start... ""I'm glad you came."""
"[on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car"
"My three year old son, Basil, says that since none of us invented language we should stop appropriating words."
"If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10, don't be open."
"ME: so what do you do GUY: I'm an oral surgeon ME: *imagining him doing heart surgery with just his mouth* wow I bet you're a helluva kisser"
"I've never been to Japan, but I've seen a bunch of emojis so I think I get the idea."
"Q: Did you hear about the peanut in the hospital? A: He was assaulted."
"gmail@chucknorris.com"